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Archive for November, 2007

Early this week, I had my annual ObGyn appointment.  Not content with riffling through my love box (she had to vacuum all the dust and spiderwebs, what with the lack of hot action), my favorite Vagina Whisperer decided to fondle my throat too.  

She mentioned that my thyroid was enlarged – I asked if it was merely because I am a fat ass and have globules of subcutaneous chunks around my throat.  She said it was possible, but gave me a little prescription/order for a throat sonogram, as well as a full run of blood tests.

I got a call back from one of the nurses on staff today.  She – I swear to god - had a voice just like the trippy unicorns from Charlie the Unicorn

Nurse: "Loooooreleeeeiiiii, I'mmm so soooooorrrrry we were playing phonetaaaag, Loooooreleeeeei.  But your blooood test were abnoooorrrrmaaaaal, Looooreleeeeei.  Abnooooorrrrmaaaal.  You'll have to schedule an appointment with an endocrinoooologiiiiist, Lorelei. An endocrinoooolooogist."

After making sure that I was nowhere near Candy Mountain, I thanked her and hung up the phone.

Well, hell.  What's next?  I already gave the blowjobs to end all blowjobs – I deepthroated a camera so that they can check what was up with my stomach (excessive acids).   Now it's my thyroid?

It figures – the only thing I inherit from my real dad is a fucking goiter.  Thanks for nothing "Dad!"  I mean, it wasn't enough that you hauled ass out of your family because it was too much responsibility, but you passed on the goiter too?    Even better, I'm betting I've also got hypothyroidism (which could explain why I can't lose weight. And why I gain weight at the mere thought of food.)  Why couldn't it by hyPERthyroidism?  At least I'd fit into my pants better when I get endocrinologized.

I'm old. My body is totally running down, and my warranty's run out.  Next, I'll go bald. 

Oh fuck, I TAKE IT BACK, whoever is listening, I TAKE IT BACK!

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But THREADLESS is having a killer sale -  $10 a shirt up until Dec 16!!  Stock up on your favorites, buy some for the whole family, buy some for your friends. 

 

Some of my favorites:

 

(I've already bought $100 bucks worth of shirts for the holidays.  And yeah, click on my link – points add up for…MORE SHIRTS!)

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We left on Nov 16, arrived in San Miguel in the wee hours of Nov 18. We didn't sleep for 48 hours straight after that.  Left San Miguel for Manila on Nov 22, then arrived in Washington DC on Nov 23.

Let me summarize my "vacation" with a few photos:
note: more photos here: http://flickr.com/photos/lorelei76

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Guess who's going back to the Philippines?

ME!

Guess for how long?

ONE WEEK!

 

My family and I are going to our hometown – Poblacion, San Miguel, Bulacan – during turkey week.  It was a last minute decision, spurred by family drama and mother fuckin' cheap ass tickets.  I'm only going along for the lanzones, myself.  We leave tommorow, Nov 16, and will be returning on the 24th.  Expect awesome photos of life sized statues of saints and bleeding Jesus, cemeteries, run down old houses, and food.

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I went shopping for a present for my bestest friend in the entire world.  I was lucky enough to find something that I think she'd really like.  I saw that the store had a gift-wrapping service – and seeing that they had some REALLY pretty wrapping paper, I decided to take advantage.

I came back a few minutes later to pick up the gift, and this is what I got.

ugly_wrapping1ugly_wrapping4ugly_wrapping3

WHAT.THE.FUCK?


So I decided to re-wrap the present and put together a little tutorial on how to wrap a present properly.

STEP 0.  Gather your materials.  You'll need your present(s), wrapping paper, tape, scissors, and maybe a cute little card.



STEP 1. Measure out how much paper you'll need. 


Step 2.  Cut as straight a line as you can – it makes it easire on the long run when it's time to fold and tape.

Step 3.  Flip your present over (I started with the green box first) and tape down one edge.

Step 4. Fold over the other edge and overlap the taped edge by about an inch.


Step 5.  Cut and fold over for a nice straight edge. Tape that sucker down!


Step 6-10.  Fold the ends down.  Cut off any excess paper, then tape it down. Repeat on the other side.

step6_foldend
step7_foldend2
step8_cutbottom
step9_foldtop
step10_tape

Check it out – so nice and smooth and pretty!


Now for the second present.  This is a little fancier, so I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

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I finished uploading, cropping and cleaning up the last of my photos from my New Orleans trip.

 

On our first day, we went to Schiro's for lunch – we ate poboys and bread pudding.  Schiro's is the neighborhood bar/restaurant/laundromat/grocery/wine shop and B&B.

 

This was a fabulously well-kept house on the corner of Royal and Spain.  I want to live here since I can't afford a pink mansion.

 

The Italian Society Tomb in St.Louis Cemetery #1.  Apparently, it's a where they filmed Easy Rider. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry, but I was underwhelmed by the beignets.  They were good, but they were not AWESOMELY good.

 

 

 

 

 

Live OakLive Oak 2

 

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sasuke_jutsuTIMEsasuke_gaara_insidesasuke_gaara2groupgaara_SABAKU_SOSOcheck_the_old_ladyawesome_house

Funny story.  Our Tita Mila (Tita = Aunt in Tagalog) wanted some candy too.  So she doneed her oversized glasses with funny nose and went walking around with us.  As you can see from the photos, she's pretty short – shorter than my 9 year old niece. 

So she'd toddle up to the front doors with the kids and she'd scare the shit out of the homeowners when she rasps out "trick or Treat" with her 2-pack-a-day voice.  I would nearly pee myself laughing as I watched the homeowners do a double take/jump back/or just dump a pile of candy to get rid of the scary-voiced "kid."

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