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I made a costume for a friend's son, Niko.  Since Niko is deliciously chubby like all adorable 2 year olds are, I decided that I will make him The Fat Elvis Costume. 

I got a white zip hoodie/pant set from Walmart, and played with it.  Got a whole pile of iron on rhinestone patterns, and went to fucking town, ya'll. 

 

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…And you know what they were selling right next to the foam tombstones and fake blood and slutty costumes and life sized mummies and vampire?
 
CHRISTMAS STUFF. Namely, a life sized, plastic, light-up Nativity set.  Yes, wiith the Jesus in the manger and Mary looking constipated and angels blowing trumpets and three (ethnically ambiguous) kings, and tranny camels and donkeys looking stoned and everything.
 
You know where I wanted to go. I know YOU know exactly what was going through my mind.
 
Why didn't I swap the life sized evil scarecrow and creepy mummy and animatronic vampire for the 3 kings and put some bats in the manger?  WHY?  Dammit all to hell, Walmart!  Why did I pick the night where there were actual employees doing actual employment type activities?
 
 
 
Also, HAI GUYS.  Long time, no write!

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It's Halloween, which means GHOST STORY TIME!!

This happened 2 years ago on Halloween.  A friend and I were waiting in my condo for my sister, who was driving back from Dulles airport after dropping off another friend.  Once she was home, we were going on a ghost tour of Old Town, Alexandria.  The tour started at 9 pm, and I wanted to be in Old Town by 8:20 so that they could buy tickets while I looked for parking.

I called Daphne up at around 7:15 to find out her ETA, and whether she wanted to drive or if I should. Her voicemail picked up and I left a message asking her to call me back.

Daphne called back 20 minutes later, sounding hysterical.  I asked her what was wrong, and she said she'll tell me as soon as she got home.  A few minutes later, the door opens and Daphne staggers in.

She insists that she's ok, and maybe I should drive instead.  We're in the car and Daphne explained what happened.

She was driving down Route 7, and was in the far right lane of a 4-lane road.  There were no cars in front of her, a few behind her, and no cars going northbound.   It was dark, no lights other than car headlights, and the road was edged by thick woods.  Her mind was on getting home as quickly as possible, maybe grabbing something to eat before we left for Old Town.

She stole a quick glance on her rearview mirror as the lights of an SUV behind her hit her eyes, and when she looked back onto the road, she saw a guy walking across the road.  She slammed on her brakes, and she says she saw the guy throw up his hands to shield his eyes from the glare.  She swerved, ran onto the shoulder of the road and finally stopped. She sat there for a few seconds, gripping the steering wheel and hyperventilating.  She was freaking out, wondering if she'd hit him, wondering if he was ok.  So Daphne stepped out of the car, her legs wobbling beneath her and looked out on the road.

No one was there.

She didn't realize she'd been sobbing and crying until the driver of an SUV who pulled up behind her asked her if she was ok.  She saw that a couple of the cars who were behind her had pulled up behind her on the shoulder and were running towards her car.  Daphne asked people if they saw the guy on the road, please check if he's still out there, he might have gotten hit.  The SUV driver said, "I thought I saw someone through your windshield, but I can't be sure."   No one else had seen the guy on the road.   

They're standing there getting more and more creeped out as Daphne told them the story, when they were hit by the cold.  It felt like the temperature had dropped a good 20 degrees, and they could see their breath in the air.  Mind you, it was a mild night - probably the mid/upper 60's, not even cool enough for a jacket.   The SUV driver told Daphne that he'd escort her to the closest gas station, and he'll wait for her to call some people and calm down.  But Daphne knew that they all just wanted to get the hell out of there. 

Daphne said that the car was ice cold when she went back in, and even while she was blasting the heater.  The cold didn't disappear until they reached the gas station 15 minutes later. 

 

For another (lengthier) ghost story, read "Ghost Stories from the Ricefields"

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I know you've been waiting.

So, I present…The FSM and Two Infamous Pirates!

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I probably should have used more noodles.  For those people who couldn't understand my FSM costume, I just told them I was a Dioxide molecule.

I also wish we'd taken more pics (Michelle, my bestest friend everrrrr, took all the photos) of the FSM touching people with the noodly appendage.

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